You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
