I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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