Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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