Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
