we have pet lesbian snakes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
