you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
