I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize