If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
