we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
