Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
