The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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