guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
