this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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