You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
being pregnant is like rehab
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
