Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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