Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
