Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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