i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
