I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
