happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
