We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
