so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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