why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
