we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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