I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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