so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize