I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
