from now on my penis is your penis
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
