What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
