God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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