There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
