you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
