im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
