I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
