Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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