i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
