do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
