Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
