toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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