You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
