The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
