Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
