literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
