But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
