I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
