maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
