those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
