they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
