he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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