I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
