And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize