Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
