Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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