The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
