Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
