p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
