i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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