Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
