I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
