There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
