Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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