it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
