but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
