I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
