I just pynch a tree in the face
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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