he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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