Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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