planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
