no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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