It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
