she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
