I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
