I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
